We’ve all experienced that voice in our heads—the one that offers opinions, critiques, and encouragement. This “self-talk” shapes how we view ourselves and the world. As a coach, one the things I always make time to explore with my clients is their self-talk. This blog explores how self-talk can be transformed from something that holds us back into a powerful source of growth. With a few strategies and some self-compassion, you can begin to change your internal dialogue, creating space to explore new ways of thinking, and to change or grow.

The Dangers of Self-Criticism: Why It Holds You Back

I quite often hear my clients (especially in sport) say that being harsh on themselves helps to keep them motivated. Yet, research shows that harsh self-criticism can actually be detrimental to our mental wellbeing.

People who are highly self-critical can be less assertive, and experience more shame or sadness than those who are less so. Indeed, rather than motivating us, self-criticism triggers a stress response that can undermine our performance. To truly thrive, we need to create a space where we can acknowledge our inner critic and explore these thoughts with curiosity, but also balance this with the ability to be kind to ourselves.

The Power of Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk enables us to face challenges with a healthier mindset and fosters emotional well-being.

Athletes often use positive self-talk to improve performance. By creating an encouraging, rather than harsh, internal dialogue we can reduce anxiety, recover from setbacks more quickly, and maintain focus under pressure. Tennis player Serena Williams has spoken a lot about the importance of self-affirmation in her success, helping her to stay resilient under intense pressure.

When we talk to ourselves in a self-compassionate way, it gives us space to explore and change, without fear of judgement. Research in this area by Kristin Neff, suggests that this approach has the potential to reduce burnout and foster a stronger sense of well-being (Neff, 2003).

Effective Self-Talk Strategies

So how do we guide our self-talk in a positive direction? Here are a few strategies to try:

The Benefits of Positive Self-Talk

Positive self-talk can be super beneficial for mental and emotional well-being.

– positive self-talk reduces those automatic negative thoughts and increases self-esteem.

– work on neuro-plasticity shows that positive emotions, cultivated through affirming self-talk, actually helps rewire the brain. Over time, this rewiring strengthens emotional and mental resilience.

A Journey of Compassionate Growth

It takes practice to change self-talk, it’s really not a quick fix, and you must give yourself permission to grow. Through coaching, I encourage my clients to explore new ways of thinking and talking to themselves – in particular getting to know their own inner coach. 

Exploring self-talk is one of the most powerful tools we have in our toolkits and is well worth the time and effort!

Prepared by Roz with help from: OpenAI. (2024). ChatGPT. https://chatgpt.com and beautiful.ai. (2024). https://www.beautiful.ai.